Wolf and Dusk
by Slash4Femme
Summary: Giles tries to deal with the aftermath of Oz's return to Sunnydale.


Wolf and Dusk 

In the dawn dusk Giles sat stiffly in his living room tired beyond the point he had ever thought possible. Books lay on the floor and the table in front of him, the telephone sat beside him along with an empty glass. He had begun the night researching and reading but for the last few hours he had done nothing but sit and stare at the wall as fatigue finally kept his brain from doing anything, even sleep. His ears strained toward the loft and his bed where a young man slept a drugged sleep. He had been hyper-focusing on the loft all night stopping work every few hours when the drugs had worn thin and Oz had begun the thrash and scream. He would rush up the stairs and hold the younger man in his arms while he administered more sedative and then sat gently rocking Oz's small body in his arms letting Oz weep all over his shirt before sleep took him again. Giles would then continue his silent vigil by the phone. He had been spending every night by the phone for days now, there really wasn't much else to do. Even before Oz was found and retaken, sleep had been impossible for Giles. He was all too aware of what the Initiative would be doing to Oz and images of everything he knew Oz would be enduring would rise up in his mind unchecked every time he closed his eyes. He was almost glad his mind has stopped functioning; it was easier that way, easier to deal with what they had done to Oz, what they were still doing to others still under the Initiative control.

As small sound made Giles blink and refocus on the room. The younger man must have comes down the stairs and across the room silently, for now Oz knelt on the floor in front of Giles clad only in his boxers.

"Hey"

Oz extended a hand toward Giles but stopped short of touching him his voice was soft and subdued with drugs and sleep.

"You look awful, when was the last time you slept?"

Giles shook his head slowly unable to form a coherent thought, he reached out and touched Oz's face with his fingers marveling at the beautiful, fragileness of the creature in front of him. Oz turned his head leaving feather light kisses on Giles fingers.

"I should get you to bed."

Giles choked and suddenly found tears in his eyes overflowing and running down his face. It was all so normal, so sweet as if the past year had never happened, as if Oz had never gone away, never come back, never been taken by the Initiative and subjected to all sorts of tutor and medical experimentation. Acting as if it were still high school spending a night together, cooking, talking about music, reading and making love. Sobs shook Giles and he wrapped his arms around himself trying to control them, trying to remain strong when there was still so much work to do. Oz rose and sat on the couch gathering the larger, older man to his chest.

"hey, hey, it's ok" Oz's fingers were in Giles' hair, pressing against his neck and back, Giles could feel Oz's small body against his own He raised his head taking Oz's face in his hands looking into his eyes, searching for something, some sign.

"No" his voice sounded harsh and choked. "no it's not"

Oz finger touched Giles' face tracing the lines starting to appear there, wiping away tears.

"no it's not, but it will be, and today I have you, which I haven't had in a long time"

Giles body sagged as his exhaustion finally came crashing down on him. Oz helped him to stand and half carried, half dragged, him up the stairs to the loft. Once up there Giles slumped on to the bed, fully clothed. Oz helped him struggle out of his clothes and finally curled up next to him on the bed. Giles reached out and pulled Oz close until his head was tucked under Giles chin and Giles could feel Oz breath against his chest. It felt safe, it felt right for the first time in a long time, and finally Giles let sleep take him.

Many hours later he awoke to find Oz gone from beside him. He had one moment of complete heart stopping panic before he detected Oz's shape further away from him on the bed. Oz was propped up on one elbow, fist under his chin watching Giles through half lidded eyes; he was still clothed only in his boxers. Giles reached out a touched Oz's face letting his hand run down to lightly brush at the little bit of hair Oz was growing on his upper lip.

"Don't tell me you where there all day watching me sleep?"

"and what's wrong with watching you sleep? Your very interesting when you sleep."

Oz smiled a rare thing indeed and something Giles had doubted he might ever see again. His hands brushed down Oz' shoulders and for the first time Giles mind was able to take in the full impact of the bruises, welts and burns across Oz's body. For the second time in past twenty-four hours he felt his eyes fill with tears and turned his head away ashamed of his weakness.

"Don't" Oz moved to take Giles face in his hands.

"I can't bare it when you cry. You're always the strong one, always the one who knows what to do, that helps everyone out, don't cry please."

Giles blinked up at Oz wetly, then pulled him close holding him as tightly as he dared without hurting him.

"I thought I'd lost you when you left. I thought you'd never come back and then when you did I thought I would loose you again. Never want to loose you."

The last was mumbled into Oz's hair. Giles felt Oz stiffen, just for a second, then Oz drew him even closer, Oz's hands on his shoulders and back, holding him.

"your leaving again, aren't you?"

The reality of it hit Giles like a physical blow, just when he had thought he couldn't take anymore, anymore pain, anymore loss right now. Oz' pulled back slightly so he could look into Giles eyes.

"do you really think I could stay after this?"

Of course Oz was right, Giles knew. Oz couldn't stay, not after the escape from the Initiative not with Initiative soldiers crawling over every square inch of Sunnydale, he probably shouldn't have even stayed this long. Still the very thought of having to say goodbye to Oz, again, made Giles feel tired and sick. He couldn't deal with, it not now, not tonight. Oz watching him as if he could read Giles' mind. Carefully he reached out and pulled Giles face down, kissing him hard and passionately, twisting his fingers into Giles' hair. There was something of the wolf there, but then there had always been something of the wolf in Oz. Giles was used to it, had come to except it even, and that was where Giles was different, different from Willow and all the others. Maybe that was why Giles loved Oz, would always love Oz. Finally after a long time, Oz pulled back again so he could look at Giles.

"I don't have to leave tonight." He told him "not until tomorrow"

And after all Giles thought, that was all they had ever bargained for anyway.


End file.
